For most of my life up until 1992, I was rebellious and lost. I didn’t really give a damn about anything. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and it didn’t really matter how I got it. But after Jennifer and I broke up, I began to change. At the same time I was falling apart, I somehow knew that in order for me to survive, I would have to seek Spirit. It’s hard to find the words to explain what it felt like when that finally hit me, but I’ll try.
Everything was dark! I was desperately alone, utterly depressed and suffering excruciating heart pangs all the time. Looking back, I don’t remember actually deciding to pray, but one day I just found myself doing it, not once, but several times. The next day, same thing, and for every day thereafter. The prayer I remember saying most was, “God, I really need Your help.”
One night after my band’s rehearsal, the guys were going over to Chris’ house. They’d never asked me to join them before because they knew I wasn’t really into the “New Age stuff” they were into. But that night, for some reason, I was invited to come along. I said sure, thinking that all we were going to do was just hang out and party. Boy, was I wrong!
No sooner had we sat down in Chris’ little upstairs room, than my bandmates and one other friend who’d joined us began to talk about that “weird stuff.” I just sat there, drinking my drink, listening to them go at it. But eventually my curiosity was piqued, because the things my friend Mike was saying seemed so relevant to what I was going through.
After a few minutes, I asked if he could interpret a dream I’d had in which Jesus appeared to me and told me the word ‘Yam’ three times. Mike asked me if there there’d been more to my experience and, if so, would I share it. I said sure.
“It was really weird,” I said. “In what way?” he asked. “Jesus seemed to be behind me and up towards the ceiling, but I could see Him perfectly. At the same time, I could feel myself floating up there, too. But I didn’t want any part of that, so, I somehow made myself wake up.” “Is that it?” Mike asked. “Yep, that’s it,” I told him. “Guy, that is so cool!” he said. Then he got up and walked over to the bookshelf, selected one book and brought it back to where I was sitting. He opened it to show me the meaning of ‘Yam’ — the sound of the spiritual heart (the heart chakra), and his gesture touched me to my core. Yes, I knew in my own heart of hearts that something had awakened and there was no turning back.
From that evening on, whenever I was feeling down from obsessing about Jennifer, I called Mike and found much comfort in his words. Not only did he help me see things in a more realistic light, he also seemed to have an uncanny way of getting me to open up so that, for the very first time, I could begin to see my self/Self.
One day he asked me, “Without judging yourself, Keith, tell me, do you like your life?” I said, “Hell no!” His next question was, “What are you willing to do to have peace?” I told him, “At this point, I’m willing to try just about anything!” “Then prepare yourself for miracles,” he said.
For the next hour or so, he laid out some principles I could begin to work with. But at the same time, he suggested I not believe a word he was saying!He said, “Just let the manifestations speak for themselves.” I had no idea what he meant.
Even so, that very day, that week, that month, that year, as I began to put these new ideas into practice, I could see the little miracles that Mike had told me would take place if I kept to my “I’m willing to do anything for peace” intention. But, though everything I was learning felt right, every once in a while some part of me put up resistance.
You may ask why. Four reasons: I knew that everything I thought I knew would have to change. I knew that I’d have to take full responsibility for the mess I’d made of my life. I knew that, because of my unresolved emotional issues, my life was sure to get worse before it got any better. And here’s the real kicker — I was frightened because I didn’t want my new “I am God” attitude to piss God off. But I was determined to change, no matter what it took.
I began to meditate daily as Mike had said to do. I can honestly say that the more I practiced meditation, the more my life improved. That alone has helped me stop feeling like a victim and to live more in harmony with God.
Another thing Mike suggested I do was to train my senses to take in everything around me. To my astonishment, I noticed that whenever I consciously engaged one of my five senses, my sixth sense would make itself known to me. Before long, intuition became an everyday part of my life. Let’s just say that if it weren’t for Mike’s lessons and the support of my other dear Soul brothers, Chris and Jeff—well, I can’t imagine what my life would be like now. I thank them daily in my prayers.
Nowadays, I think it is safe to say that I’m a changed man. I seem to be able to use what I’ve learned at any time to move me through whatever I’m facing. Occasionally I revert to my old ways and make things happen that I really wish I hadn’t. Whenever such unconscious creations do show up, I’m lucky in the sense that I can always resort to all the knowledge I’ve gotten, beginning that night at Chris’.
One very important thing I’ve learned is how to take responsibility for whatever I do. And with that has come excitement, because now I finally get that I can have any- and everything I want if I keep on cleaning up my life. To stay on task, I daily ask God to open my heart and to keep reminding me that I can create Heaven within me any time I choose.
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Ever since I’ve realized that I am God, we are God, everything is God, I’ve experienced moments most people would call miraculous. And I’ve noticed that when I take the time to recognize God in others, my ego (that has always separated me from them) vanishes and better relationships are the result.
Maybe you’re in the same place now that I found myself in years ago — confused, angry and without direction. If so, my first suggestion is to do as the title of this chapter says — look within. Take an inventory of how you feel about yourself and begin to see how the choices you have made have affected not only yourself, but others as well. When you begin to assume full responsibility for everything that happens to you, you will find yourself becoming imbued with the same kind of power I’ve found, and you will be able to consciously create your own life, as I am now able to do.
Here’s something else for you to try. When you’re around others, practice expanding your awareness outward. All you have to do is put your God-given senses to work and you’ll begin to discover, as I did, the good in all things. Begin to feel. Begin to touch. Begin to see. Begin to listen. Begin to know. Begin to be. Begin!
Lastly, get back to basics. To help you do that, I now offer three tenets that have been (and are still) quite helpful to me,and that seem to be the foundation for my spirituality.
1) The all-knowing tenet: If turning inward unites me with God (Higher Self), then it makes sense to me that Omniscience(Peace) is my natural state.
2) The all-powerful tenet: If turning inward unites me with God, then it makes sense to me that Omnipotence (Love) is my natural state.
3) The all-pervading tenet: If turning inward unites me with God, then it makes sense to me that Omnipresence (Liberation) is my natural state.
The gift God has given to me I want to give to you. I take great pleasure in sharing with you my prophetic vision of Heaven on Earth.
You are the Vision, the Christ. In truth, all there is is you. Walk into your divinity. Walk into the One.